Category: Mental Illness

I'm crazy and I didn't ask you anything

2/23/2023

Published on February 23, 2023
Author : Shoshin

My wife asked me to comment on the recent censorship of the great children's author Roald Dahl.

Why did she ask me this, because I am mentally ill, I am what they used to call crazy. Now our wokes and politico-correct give me other names, of course they never ask my opinion, they know better than I do what is acceptable to me or not.

But here is the thing, I never asked to censor the word crazy in Dalh's work, I don't care if they say she became crazy with rage, if some hyper sensitive people found it upsetting, well the world is anyway upsetting and it is not by erasing all the upsetting aspects that we learn to live in it.

On the other hand I have lived and I live with mental illness, really and to have to wait months when I need to consult that I find it definitely more "annoying".

The likes on social media posts won't help me, of course it's well intentioned, but you see it doesn't go beyond that, the intention, when you need help your entourage disappears, only a few good friends remain. Of course everyone supports you, but from far away.

And if you do something worthy of the asylum on a whim because of lack of care and other help, you will soon find yourself either in prison, or at home within four walls, or at worst on the street as a sparrow. It is not our friends woke and our politico-correct people who will correct the shooting, they will support you from afar and will persecute people who are for nothing in our condition, such as these authors of book which, great misfortune, uses the word "mad".

We are crazy, mentally ill and other terms and why should I be ashamed to read this, why should I waste my time persecuting people who have nothing to do with it? No point.

And don't even get me started on social workers, counselors and other poorly trained people, most of them are as useful as a rope around your neck when you're feeling bad with ready-made, useless phrases like take a walk, walk around, it'll go away, I get it, hollow phrases said by people with equally hollow and mechanical brains.

You want to accept me, well stop treating me as a victim, give me a hand if you can, stop doing the hypocritical fake sympathy I detect it at 100 km, stop censoring people who have nothing to do with our situation.

And run away from the wokes who use us without our permission, who treat us like 7 year olds and who want to keep us as victims for life because it suits their political agenda to use us and not help us.

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This society that wants you to be a victim

9/14/2022

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Published on September 14, 2022
Author : Shoshin

I am going to talk about this tendency of all those involved in society to maintain the victims in the state of eternal victims because for the ego of the people who help and who suddenly want to put themselves in our place there is no possibility of really getting out of this state, because they do not know what we have experienced and imagine that it is insurmountable, and well because they have this egocentric vision they transpose it to all the victims.

This hatred maintained by their so-called understanding even has for some, including me, the annoying habit of pushing us to create in our turn another form of victim of our hatred maintained by society and sometimes, as in my case, to push us to suicide because we cannot leave this hell where some want to lock us up at all costs for various reasons, sometimes even monetary and political.

Before the end of my former life, marked by an unsuccessful attempt at social and real suicide, I had consulted a certain number of therapists and therapies and I had done the rounds of the means at my disposal, very weak means indeed

My father destroyed me psychologically all my life, himself a child of destructive parents, a long line of untreated hatred, ignored mental problems and others to make a long story short.

I have been to individual therapists who spouted empty phrases to get me to work and think. Others suggested I get even, call the police, etc..... My father had gone far but I had contained him, no doubt he would have been a case for the asylum these days but I didn't really see him going to jail, anyway I made sure he wasn't a danger to others and with fronto-temporal dementia, what good would it have done him in the end.

What about me, anyway? Why wasn't my recovery from a victim to a normal human being at the heart of the matter?

Why were all these people literally obsessed with making me an eternal victim. They were cultivating and growing the flowers of total hatred. Their efforts were not helping me, on the contrary, these poorly calibrated efforts were causing me to have nightmares at night, relive horrible things and making me extremely disconnected from others around me, if not totally insensitive, hypnotized by my pain.

I hit rock bottom and exhausted all my resources, the state would not help me at all, they made applications for help disappear, I literally had to fight with them to beg for some help, as I was a contractor I had absolutely no financial support, left to my own devices so to speak.

Three things literally brought me back to life, I ended up in the psychiatric emergency room, I was diagnosed with post-traumatic shock, severe depression, chronic anxiety, ..., it would take too long to say everything.

I had something that I could finally identify, accept and use.

My wife had a counseling program at her company, which no longer exists, removed because of COVID.

Through this program, I met an eccentric and unusual psychologist. She didn't victimize me, she didn't give me stupid homework, she said that 95% of the patients do this homework hypocritically to please their caregiver, no she was frank, direct, listening and not closed to solutions that I found myself.

And I found Buddhism, a simple human, who unlike me had been raised in comfort and total denial of reality, had still given up everything to seek a life with more meaning, who accepted to be part of this world as a whole part of this universe and not as a victim of the sufferings related to this world.

Without going into details, this was life-saving for me. Buddhism alone would not have helped me, but the combination of Buddhism and the other solutions finally opened the door to something other than a life of victim and executioner.

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Living with mental illness

7/14/2022

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Published on October 25, 2021
Author : Shoshin

A few years ago I experienced a post-traumatic shock with psychosis. Today I realize that it was a psychosis but at the time for me it was a normal thought that is how psychosis works

My father had made a serious plan to decapitate my mother and me, he had spoken openly about it when he was admitted to the psychiatric emergency room in Sherbrooke, he had been in psychiatric detention for a month and had been released without any follow-up after having seen the psychiatrist only once, one can then agree that I was quite panicked by this state of affairs

From that point on, I began to lie on the couch every night to protect my family. I watched the entrance even after my father was hospitalized in a nursing home in a mental ward.

I imagined all sorts of scenarios where people would try to get into my house and kill me in all sorts of ways, to the point where I was hearing things that no one else was hearing and seeing signs where there was nothing but I was still pretty believable and I always hid my distress well so no one was too aware of my condition.

I tried to call for help and more than once at my CLSC at the time, but I was turned down with platitudes like go for a walk, walking when you are afraid of people is not that great.

Without going into detail, at some point it turned sour. All of this led me to a deep depression.

I called the Quebec City crisis center that someone in the system had already suggested to me instead of 911. I ended up in the standard emergency room for hours and even more hours later in the psychiatric emergency room, they gave me medication without telling me that it could make some symptoms worse.

I ended up in both ERs a second time a few weeks later so I started a long journey and I'm better now but I'm like a person who had a heart attack. I am much weaker than I was before, for better or worse.

This is only part of my story

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I'm crazy and I didn't ask you anything

This society that wants you to be a victim

Living with mental illness

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