Living with mental illness

Published on October 25, 2021
Author : Shoshin
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A few years ago I experienced a post-traumatic shock with psychosis. Today I realize that it was a psychosis but at the time for me it was a normal thought that is how psychosis works

My father had made a serious plan to decapitate my mother and me, he had spoken openly about it when he was admitted to the psychiatric emergency room in Sherbrooke, he had been in psychiatric detention for a month and had been released without any follow-up after having seen the psychiatrist only once, one can then agree that I was quite panicked by this state of affairs

From that point on, I began to lie on the couch every night to protect my family. I watched the entrance even after my father was hospitalized in a nursing home in a mental ward.

I imagined all sorts of scenarios where people would try to get into my house and kill me in all sorts of ways, to the point where I was hearing things that no one else was hearing and seeing signs where there was nothing but I was still pretty believable and I always hid my distress well so no one was too aware of my condition.

I tried to call for help and more than once at my CLSC at the time, but I was turned down with platitudes like go for a walk, walking when you are afraid of people is not that great. 

Without going into detail, at some point it turned sour. All of this led me to a deep depression.

I called the Quebec City crisis center that someone in the system had already suggested to me instead of 911. I ended up in the standard emergency room for hours and even more hours later in the psychiatric emergency room, they gave me medication without telling me that it could make some symptoms worse.

I ended up in both ERs a second time a few weeks later so I started a long journey and I'm better now but I'm like a person who had a heart attack. I am much weaker than I was before, for better or worse.

This is only part of my story​

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